So I went into work this morning to sort out this debacle with the rosters and my four shifts next week are cut down to 2! YAY!!! Then I handed in new availability forms that let them know I'm going away for 3 weeks in December. I know they're not happy about it and I may have to quit, but I'm praying it won't come to that and they'll sign off on the forms.

I also emailed two of my tutors requesting extensions. One is still getting back to me, she wants to go to the unit coordinator first. I'm working on the assignment now and have almost finished part 1 of 4. The trouble is that I need to put a student through this lesson I'm creating, and I can get time next week, but this week is looking a bit tight! It's due Monday, 26th of October.
The other one IS the unit coordinator and was quite happy to give me an extra 4 days! So yay for that. Was due the 2nd, now it's on the 6th of November.

So yes. I feel like I'm getting more control over these things. The third assignment is almost done and is super easy anyway. I've done all the readings, I just need to write up the summaries of the last two. It's due in 2 weeks, but I'm hoping to get the summaries written ans handed in asap so I don't need to worry about it.

Everything's coming to a head. I'm glad I have time now to work on this assignment away from the distraction of housework and even other study buddies. Study buddy time will come during study break :) I also called my parents and they come down to Perth next week for a night. Mum is going to cook me some meals and bring them down with her, as well as a bag of rice! Isn't she lovely?

Matt 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Edit: about 6mins into the Shepherd's Song by Beethoven, the music swells and it's just so beautiful!

btw, since I have lots of time this morning before needing to be anywhere, I read some of my Bible (hurrah!). All of Colossians actually. When I have had time and motivation to read my Bible in the past two weeks, I've been reading a whole book, as opposed to bits of a book.

And this is awesome! I totally love doing it. I get the big vibe for the book. This morning the love that Paul has for the Colossians came out in a way that hadn't before - because I'm only reading a little chunk and getting the theology out of that little bit. I haven't read a LONG book in one go yet. Hopefully maybe over the weekend.

Philemon is great too. When reading, I read aloud in my head. Meaning, I have intonation and stress certain words as I read. Which is great! This morning, Paul was cheerful, but also stressing and urging the Colossians and Philemon on to good works and love. He kinda told the Colossians off for following the law and human tradition, but on the whole, I reckon he was in a good mood when he wrote both letters. Also, I really love the final greetings. I can just imagine Paul writing this letter and Aristarchus pops his head in to request that Paul send his greetings too! And then Onesimus pops in and tell Paul that he wants to deliver the letter with Tychicus and visit the Colossian church for the first time. What exciting times it must have been to be in a small church getting one of Paul's letters for the first time. Or to be with Paul, serving him there. To be Epaphras, always wrestling in prayer for the saints! I can imagine Paul chuckling as he put in his little pun in Philemon verse 11 (Onesimus means useful).

How good our God is to have given us His Word!

What a week! And I mean that in the sense of suffering from foot-in-mouth disease. And I mean that in the sense of both doing, saying and reacting to things in a stupid, childish and immature manner. That was what part of my whining on Friday was about (the entry before this one). That being said, the entry did help me to clarify WHY I blog and thus I should keep that in mind AS I blog.

Bah to me!! Despite this, I feel that God has shown how I've grown in this. In the past I would have respond to reprimanding quite defensively as my pride was hurt (it's been very gentle reprimanding though!). But thanks to the grace of God, he's given me the means to calm down and respond much better. I don't think I'm all the way to a completely humble response, but at least I'm not lashing out from a damaged ego. So hurrah!! =D

Things that have stood out for me in learning and growing this week have been:

he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Prov 27:17)

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God (1 Cor 8:1-3)

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. (Phil 3:12). Seriously, haven't actually managed to do these things properly, but as I've stuffed up, these verses have sprung to mind as things I should improve upon.

I know I was feeling rather lonely on Friday. That was an up and down emotional day. I started rather melancholy at the beach, but cheered up significantly over breakfast. Stayed happy till just after lunch. Then stayed melancholy again till the party I went to at Kiri's. Had a very fantastic time hanging out with my very dear friends, in whom I could confide and enjoy those relationships with. I'm glad that this week I can see the work God has done in me. Long way to continue going, but he will carry what he has started through to completion. I just hope that through His grace, I haven't stuffed up too significantly :/

My tax return money came through this morning. It's quite a bit. I'm trying very hard though, to not think of it as mine. Rather, God has given it to me in trust: stewardship. I need to use it wisely and for good. I was thinking about this in my shower and I thought the best thing to do would be to come up with a list and run it past a friend to see if they agree/disagree with any of the items on it.

I had already intended to use part of it to buy a laptop. I've asked my friend Matt L - who works as a tech salesman - to help me find a quality one that suits my purposes and isn't too expensive, I don't want to get ripped off because I'm naive. But I'm looking forward to finally having a laptop in my exclusive use, so I can take it to uni and get more study and work done there - because I'm not very good at doing that at home.

While I was in the shower thinking about how I'm a steward with this money, it also occurred to me that I'm a steward with time. There's this great song called My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness. The relevant verse is such:

My heart is filled with thankfulness
To him who reigns above;
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace;
Whose every thought is love.
For every day I have on earth
is given by the King.
So I will give my life, my all,
to love and follow him.

( a story from last night that I hope will encourage )
I jsut remembered my dream last night. I was with a group of people and some were telling others that they needed to read the KJV only, because any other version was wrong. But I totally interrupted and told them that we need to stop arguing about that and that judgement was coming!

And friends, judgement is coming! Every bad thing you've done will be punished by God himself who can melt mountains! There is no escape from judgement! However, Jesus has already taken my judgement from me when he died on the cross. He has also given me new life now so that I can work to please God. But you need to believe, trust, have faith that Jesus death was sufficient to rescue you from judgement and from the life you're living that continues to reject/dishonour/insult God. You need to run to Jesus and turn away from that life.

God has told us all we need to know about salvation and himself in The Bible. Please, read one of the Gospels! Don't wait because we don't know when judgement is coming - but it is! Don't delay any longer!

How can I use this time now for myself when I should be pleading with people to turn to Jesus?

My heart hurts very much sometimes. And it's hard to tell if it's hurting because I desire to get married, or if it's left over pain from Josh. Either way, it's very hard sometimes. And trying to be patient is hard. Life is hard.

We all make a god out of what we take the most pleasure in. Christian Hedonists want to make God their God by seeking after the greatest pleasure—pleasure in him.

By Christian Hedonism, we do not mean that our happiness is the highest good. We mean that pursuing the highest good will always result in our greatest happiness in the end. We should pursue this happiness, and pursue it with all our might. The desire to be happy is a proper motive for every good deed, and if you abandon the pursuit of your own joy you cannot love man or please God. Taken from This Website, written by John Piper.

Even though it's hard, I know that I'm working towards the highest good and highest happiness by persevering.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Gal 6:9.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Heb 12:2-3.

I feel recently, that I'm spending a lot of time reminding myself to set my heart on things above: Which is encouraging and helpful! But as I'm unsatisfied with this life, I'm looking forward to the next. Which is appropriate really.

We are so little reconciled to time that we are even astonished at it. "How he's grown!" we exclaim, "How time flies!", as though the universal form of our experience were again and again a novelty. It is as strange as if a fish were repeatedly surprised at the wetness of water. And that would be strange indeed; unless of course the fish were destined, one day, to become a dry animal. C.S Lewis

Check out this song at youtube. You need to get past the first third which is them going do-ray-me-far-so-la-ti-do appropriately. But it's a good song with good lyrics.

Farewell vain world I'm going home,
my saviour smiles and bids me come
and I don't care to stay here long.
Sweet angels beckon me away
to sing God's praise in endless day
and I don't care to stay here long!

So in conclusion: life is hard, I feel weary. But I mustn't grow weary because I belong to another county, to another Kingdom that is home. I should work hard towards that goal because when I get there, there's going to be a huge party and I'm getting a great reward that is currently being stored up for me. That's exciting.

( praying )

My Trinity at night course is going really well. It's an overview of the picture of the Bible and so far everything seems to be fitting in, in ways I didn't really expect. The story of the Old Testament is all about Jesus - pointing ahead to him. It's very interesting to see how that is working itself out as we look a the details! I'm also reading the Graeme Goldsworthy book Gospel and Kingdom which is about just this and great supplemental reading.

That being said, it's not a big book, but I'm taking my time because of all my uni reading!! They're bottomless! Will they end? Probably not! *sigh* Little sister has been staying with me this week instead of being at school, so we've spent a bit of time at the library at Murdoch (and UWA yesterday when I visit for the public meeting and a mate I catch up with). As she does her school work, I just sit there READING! It's SO boring! *sigh*

But at least I'm doing it anyway at this point.

I'm feeling better today. I went to bed at 9 last night. Heather and I were planning to watch Criminal Minds as we thought it started at 8:30, but upon finding out it started later, I decided to "stuff this!" and I went to bed. I slept rather well and had a good day at school today.

My lesson plan was waaaay too ambitious for the little year ones, so I had to adapt it. I got brownie points from my mentor teacher for being flexible, but I was a bit disappointed it took me a while to clue on that it needed adapting. Poor kids though, having to endure me. lol. I gave out stickers during silent reading for those kids being silent though. :D

Now, I need to plan my viewing lesson tomorrow that I'm rather excited about.

I have been thinking about different kinds of Christianity recently. Particularly as I've been teaching in Catholic school. I don't want to be exclusive, but neither do I want to be liberal and too lenient on Biblical authority and doctrine. Various things have given me food for though and I'm cautious about drawing conclusions on my thinking just yet.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.

"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

<------------>

Forgiveness is kinda like a double edged sword. If you don't do it, then you're character is ill and God will not forgive you. But if you do, then a weight is lifted off your shoulders and love flows freely.

I like to forgive. Sometimes my heart is unwilling and sometimes it takes me a while and sometimes I need to talk to a trusted, third party many times about how I feel about it. But I like to forgive. It feels good to have a clean slate. Or have all the good times remembered and the bad forgotten. I've done some rotten stuff to Lise in the past and she to me. But I feel that our friendship is all the stronger because we forgive each other eagerly. *hugs to Lise*

I apologise to all I've angered or hurt. And I forgive all of you who've angered or hurt me. It feels good to forgive and love instead of hate.

I'm feeling better about long term Japan prospects. I'm feeling better about Japanese class. I'm feeling better about my new layout change. I rather like loading my LJ and having my nice shiny up the top. It makes me feel good about my lj. :)

Today I've been neck deep in Bible study and theology. It's been good. :) I like being an Australian Christian. I like being a Biblical Christian and not tied down to legalism. I like that I am under grace.

I feel like in the preparation to go to Japan, that I'm sobering up a bit, working on some of those niggly little sins that typically go unchecked. I'm feeling better about it, that they're getting some work done on them. But even though I often fail at getting them under control, I'm reminded today that I'm under grace and my sanctification will not be complete in this life. So that makes me feel better too. I have freedom to work on it (responsibility even), but I'm under grace and God has it under control. Yay!

Sorry to post again and clog up your friend's pages, but I had a thought and wanted to share it. I'll stick it behind an LJ cut so it wont take up too much space.
( Great Commission vs Great Commandment )

I stayed up late tonight for a couple of reasons. 1) Desperate Housewives was on. 2) Boston Legal is back on. 3) After Boston Legal was this doco about the Westboro Baptist church. A church that has made a big name for itself for picketing funerals and spreading a message of hate.

It was a very interesting documentary. Louis Theroux did a good job of doing his best to portray them as unbiasedly as he could. There was still bias, as there always is, but he portrayed them in the occasional sympathetic light.

So, my thoughts on that church. I tried to think of good points about Westboro Baptist, but I only had the one.
- It was encouraging in that they were bold in distinguishing right from wrong in this society that's so post-post modern and morals are determined by ones self. ( morals )
- None of them were certain about themselves going to Heaven. Louis asked a number of them about it, and none could surely say that they were going to Heaven! This is wrong! A Christian's hope is in their certainty of going to heaven. I am fully confident that that is where I'm going. Not by my own efforts, but because of what Jesus has done and my faith in that!
- Although they made sin plain to people (or tried to) they didn't offer any solution to it. At all! Even to themselves. Their own salvation was in them trying to turn from sin using their own efforts and works. I think that is why their salvation is unsure.
- They completely missed out showing grace and love to people. Love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, none of these were shown in their actions to people outside their church! Jesus did get angry at people now and then, but he was gracious and loving far more often. In fact, he loved us so much, that he died on a cross to pay for our sins.

If there was a way to be right with God by just turning from sin and sinning no more, then Jesus' death doesn't have much point, because we could be righteous on our own efforts. But we can't be right with God on our own efforts, we need an intercessor, someone to pay the price for what we've done wrong and will continue to do wrong until we die. There is no hope of escaping sin in this life. That is why Jesus' death is so important and our faith in that as sufficient. God gives us a helper, the Holy Spirit to help us in turning from sin, to help make us Godly. But that work will not be complete in this life, though we strive for it.

So it was very interesting. I want to sit down with a Bible and discuss these things with one of them, but I fear that nothing would be gained by it, so I'll just pray. God is sovereign, and he can use the good things of the world to bring about his plans, as well as the bad. I don't understand how, but he can. So I'll pray and trust. And do my best to speak in love.

( leave you with this clip - funny )

No matter what you've heard in the newspaper or been told, the physical bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ is so very integral to the Christian faith. It is the source of hope and joy.

When someone becomes a Christian they are united with Christ. They are united in his death and in his resurrection.

In his death because we die to our sinful nature. His death becomes our death and so our penalty for sin - which is death, is met.

In his resurrection because when he rose to new life, we have the new life here on Earth - that is, knowing God and understanding his Word to us know.
Also, in his resurrection because even though our bodies die now, that is not the end for us. As God demonstrated his power over the grave by raising Jesus to new life and seating him at His right hand to rule over all things, so Christians will also rise from the dead when Jesus comes again to this world. Death is not the end for the Christian. We have hope of eternal life with Jesus, because of Jesus and his resurrection!

Amen!

( 1 Corinthians 15:1-28, emphasis mine )

In Bible study today we looked at 1 Thessalonians 2:13-16. Paul encourages the Christians in Thessalonica not to give up under the pressure they are under from persecution, but to remember that Jesus himself was killed by those who hated him. The fact of the matter is, there are many people out there who are hostile to the Gospel, in varying degrees to be sure. But I cannot strive to please those people because otherwise I'm compromising on the Bible, which I ought never do.

Christians ought to expect persecution in whatever forms. Not to complain about it, but to persevere under it and continue proclaim the truth of Jesus. I ought to be full of grace and to please people when I can, but never compromise the Bible while doing that. :)

was thinking on the way to work today, and doing some praying. In amongst some other prayers, I randomly asked God for tough feet so they wouldn't pain me as I'm working on my feet 9-5. It occurred to me that if God is going to answer my prayer, then he's going to give me blisters!!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:2-5

My feet are hurting more than usual at the end of the day today, so perhaps God is working on my prayer.

In related news, it strikes me how God answers prayer. He is really concerned about the smallest things; even the very hairs of your head are all numbered (Matt 10:30)
I've prayed for friends in the past, and it's only been recently that He's answered those prayers and some of my friends have come to know Him. Also, sometimes I'll pray for something very unimportant, and admitting to God that it's very trivial, and the only reason I'm bringing this to Him in prayer is because I know he has power over everything, and if He doesn't do anything about it then I won't be cut, but I might as well pray for it... and He answers it!

What a joy it is to pray to a God who listens and loves me and works everything out in his timing! Furthermore, I don't have to pretend to be anything else when praying, but can bring all things before Him!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

"When I say Christianity is true I mean it is true to total reality — the total of what is, beginning with the central reality, the objective existence of the personal-infinite God. Christianity is not just a series of truths but Truth — Truth about all of reality. And the holding to that Truth intellectually — and then in some poor way living upon that Truth, the Truth of what is — brings forth not only certain personal results, but also governmental and legal results." - Francis A. Schaeffer

I agree with this.

Life is swinging on alright at the moment. I'm doing pretty well in Japanese and I'm hopefully that if I can keep it up, I'll receive a HD for it at the end of semester. :D

I've been struggling a bit with jealousy. But I've been sharing my struggle on GodlyGals and being open about it with some friends, so I've been seeing what the real issue is for me and then tackling it further. So I'm dealing with it a bit better. It seems that the real issue comes from me not forgiving my friends and forgetting to trust Jesus for EVERYTHING, including me. So prayer for me would be appreciated, thank you!

I received a bunch of parking fines in the mail a couple of days ago and ever since then, Mum and Dad have been really narky about money. Which always gets me down a bit. But I guess I ought to be thankful because it's like a kick up the backside. Hurts, but gets me motivated to do something about it. So I FINALLY sorted out things with centrelink, received a lump sum of money (and I'll continue to get more as semester rolls on by), was paid by work and then I paid 4/5 of all my parking fines and bought a parking permit for uni. Yay!

Also, this helps to clear my conscience. I'm trying to honour and obey God in everything, which also means submitting to the authorities placed above me, which includes parking admin at Murdoch. Now that I've finally done this, I'm happier for it and feel less guilty every time I park without a permit.

My RPG, Deadlands has finished. Which is bittersweet. I was enjoying it, but I just don't have the time for it.

And I'm reading Ephesians. What a great book! I just can't seem to get past the first chapter though. I keep rereading it. I kinda want to memorise it, but that'd be super-hard work.

Anyway, off to uni for me now. With my petrol tank full and parking permit on the dash. Yay!

Alrighty, my day today eh?

Well, I went shopping with Lise, but we didn't buy all that much. We went to a Japanese restaurant for lunch. The set up was much the same as you'd find at Jaws next to the cinemas, with the revolving bar, but the food was a bit nicer. We'll probably go sometime in the future again! yum! Anyway, I was looking for a nice pair of shoes to go with my dress for my party, but I might end up wearing a pair I already own.

We bumped into this woman giving out tracts. But when we saw them, we went to give the tracts back saying that we were already Christians. "oh," she says, "do you speak in tongues?" Well, neither of us have that gift of the spirit, so I respond that we DO have the Holy Spirit, but that isn't one of our gifts. But that isn't good enough for her. The proof of the Spirit is speaking in tongues. So therefore, if you can't, you don't. And that isn't Biblical. In Acts at Pentecost, the Disciples did speak in tongues when they received the Spirit. But that happening was descriptive, not prescriptive. I would have liked to talk to her further about it, but Lise wanted to move on, and the woman was being very closed minded about it. To my own surprise, I was level-headed throughout the exchange and tried to engage her, but she'd have none of it. I even highlighted areas that we agreed upon, those being: all scripture is God breathed (2 Tim 3:16) and Christ dying for our sins to redeem us (uh... everywhere in the NT) and we didn't get much further, because she would continually bring it back to speaking in tongues.

Now, to clarify, I believe that Speaking in Tongue is a valid gift. But it is something that is done to encourage and build up The Church, done in love, and done so that people can understand what is being said, and thus, the gift of translation is also needed. What's more, when Paul is writing about it he lists other gifts as more important than tongues (such as prophecy), so tongues isn't that important.

Anyway, after shopping, Lise had an appointment in Cottesloe, so we caught a bus down Stirling hwy and I left the bus to walk up to the Lawrance's where I'll be housesitting from tomorrow. I needed to pick up keys. I chatted with Wendy and stayed for afternoon tea, which was lovely. Then Lise and I met up again in the city and we headed for Koorong (Christian book store). I bought the new Relient K cd, a small, travel-sized Bible for some friends who are going overseas on Saturday and an introductory book on apologetics.

When I eventually arrived home, I made myself some sweet-potato mash with loads of steamed green veggies - broccoli, asparagus and brussel spouts. Yum!

So today was good. Lise and I had good Christian conversation, which was really nice. All in all, I'm currently in a spiritual high. Desiring God and wanting to be more Godly because I love him. So that's going well. I'm praying that I wont become complacent though, because often I get all comfortable, and then lazy, and then I fall into a spiritual low (which is kinda the story of my life). I'm not too worried about it. But I'll pray that it wont happen anyway.

I should update you all on the happenings in my life.

On Thursday night I did a night shift at subway, then I got home bout 11ish, went to bed and then didn't actually get to sleep until 1ish, because Dad decided that would be a good time to watch TV loudly until. Then I woke up at 5 on Friday morning, so Dad could drive me to the train station to get to work by 6. BLEH!

I don't like back to back shifts. But I had good time on the train to read my Bible and pray. So I was very blessed in that regard. Also, continual blessings in that I stayed rather cheerful for most of the day. I left at 2, called a taxi to pick me up, and I made my way to kid-sit for the weekend. Looked after those kids I'd sitted for two weeks and then one week with leshara previously. Because they already knew me, the weekend was pretty smooth.

The only complaints from me, was Andrews continual grumpy attitude towards EVERYTHING and the exhaustion of only getting 4hrs sleep in between two shifts and going straight to kid-sitting. But I went to bed at 8:30 after the two youngest were in bed, so I was happy. The oldest two are very responsible, and so got themselves off to bed well enough.

Saturday I worked from 6-2 again. I had a LOT of bread to bake as rugby was on that night, so work was very busy. And then when I got home, I had a nap, and potted about a bit. We watched a movie that night and Andrew and Simon stayed up a bit longer than I would have liked. But that was due to me not having dessert ready on time (I promised them, so I couldn't renege).

Sunday we went to church. That was pretty cool. Then we came home and pottered about until Wendy and Ian arrived home from Sydney at about 3:15. Wendy then drove me to Ian's (different Ian) so I could grab a lift to kid's church with him, because this whole time, my car had been out of action thanks to a bad battery and alternator. Ian had been stupid by not getting sleep. And he didn't have Malcolm's car to use, so his Mum let me drive her car. And that was a bit weird, as I'm so used to driving a manual. I kept wanting to put in the clutch, but there wasn't one to put in. :P

Kids church was a piece of cake. I was looking after the little fish, and they are so cute. Then unichurch afterwards was really good. greygnome had rocked up, so he was thankfully able to give me a lift home! yay! Then home I went, checked updates, went to bed. Then went to work this morning from 10am, until 4pm. And now I'm updating you on my week. :D

Experimental food
I tried a couple of different things over the weekend.
-Friday: Lamb and Banana curry.
A bit too spicy for Andrew, but with a hint of banana, very nice. Had it with spiced hot chocolate that the kids didn't like, but I did, so more for me! =D
-Saturday: Crumbed Chicken.
Done with bread crumbs, coconut, oats and ginger. The kids all really liked this one. But the chicken took forever to defrost, so dinner was a little late. :P
-Sunday: Apple Pancakes.
Nicolas didn't like them, and Andrew apparently wasn't hungry, but Rachel, Andrew and I had our fill. Easy peasy, sliced apple mixed in with a thinner pancake mix and sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on the top as they're cooking!
-Monday: Crusted Lamb Chops
I volunteered dinner cooking tonight at home. So I did herb crusted lamb chops. Didn't turn out as I had in mind, but the family really enjoyed them anyway! Also, it was hard to get them all cooked uniformly as the heat was being weird and others were really thick cuts. But all good in the end.

I finished the book of Nahum on Friday. It was interesting. A reminder of how separate sin and God are and how offensive it is to him. But with that, also comes his grace and forgiveness. God had given the Ninevites many opportunities to turn back to him, but his judgment wont be held off forever. So I was encouraged to take evangelism a bit more seriously. Also, for those who have repented, the judgment that we would have faced, has already been faced in fullness, by Jesus on the cross. And just as the Ninevites faced God's wrath, so will the world. Jesus came bringing a message of peace to those who would be reconciled to God. But also a message of warning to those who ignored him or rejected him.

ALSO! Chesca, Emily and Chan, you're invited to ma berfday par-tay. Along with your significant others of course. 30th of June. Put it in your diaries!

Sometimes, at the least expected moments, I just burn with jealousy. This is not cool. I'm happy with what I have. I love my family, I love God (He certainly knows for sure just how much), but every now and then... BAM! jealousy. And I'll be sitting here, la di da, then all of a sudden, every thing's not ok. I'm all bitter and twisted inside. Whoever I'm jealous of, I want the bad things in my life to happen to them. And I want their good blessings.

Thank God that I'm saved by grace hey? Because I would be a complete mess if I weren't. The things I think in my head sometimes, and the things I feel, are sometimes the most depraved evil things ever!

I guess I am a bit unhappy with my situation at the moment. Incredibly recently, God has asked me to give something very big up in my life for His sake. And I've been telling him that I don't want to do that. That is makes me upset. That I wish it could be otherwise. And God gives me some comfort. But it's hard yeah? Lisa said at work "doesn't God just want you to be happy?" And I didn't answer it, but I thought about it in my head for a while. I've come to the conclusion that people who say that, have no concept of God at all! Besides picturing God as a floaty bit of gladwrap who honestly couldn't give a damn about anyone!

But that isn't my God at all. My God is powerful, alive, active in this world, and is coming to bring judgment down on all the Earth when Jesus returns. That's something he's promised to do. Right now, he's being gracious and merciful by giving us all time to repent and turn back to him. But that time wont last forever. While he's given me that time, I want to turn to him now, I want to love and follow him. Which, unfortunately for me, means sacrifices. Sacrificing things so that they wont hinder me in my worship of him. So that my heart isn't hardened. So that people can see that God's will is working in me.

But right now, it's hard. It's so hard. And I'm failing just as often as I'm succeeding. It seems every time I take a step forward, I take two steps back. But I'm not too discouraged at the moment. I've cried (hopefully most) of my tears, I've had my depression. I'm pressing on towards the goal. But every now and then, one of my steps back, is to see how good some of my other Christian brothers and sisters have it, and be jealous of them.

God is working his purpose in me. It's a hard work. When I come out the other end, I'm confident that I'll be an even better Christian. Able to sympathise with people going through the same struggles, able to help them, able to have a killer testimony! (lol) Able to teach youth group again. Hopefully have a fuller and deeper understanding of the Bible, and God's purpose for this world and His people. Hopefully be able to love my brothers and sisters in Christ in ways that I couldn't before. That is what I'm striving for. But right now, it's still hard. And I probably have more tears to cry. Do any of you have any idea how hard this is? Maybe... but I'm probably blind to it because your lives look pretty good from this perspective.

By the way, for the other Christians reading this blog. Last time I posted much on this same topic, I got no feedback. One of the great encouragements I receive, is when I get feedback. So please? comment?

Heya everyone. It's been a few days since I updated. I've been keeping myself busy with work and other things.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11

The whole chapter is very good, and I'm holding very close to my heart at the moment because of something I've decided to lose for the sake of knowing Christ, and my heart not hardening towards him. God asks his followers to sacrifice things from time to time. I guess this is the first time I've had to do it properly. As in, I'm really making a huge loss and am very sad about it.

( praying )

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." 1 Corinthians 15:10