November 13th, 2004


(no subject)

Holy Father

I come before you this evening, longing to be humble in my prayers. I don't want to feel like a pharisee as I pray, or as I post this publically. Please help me to be humble, and to accept your great mercies and love for me.

I have thought about my prayer journal Father, and it bothers me that much fuss has arisen over it. I regret misunderstandings because of my carelessness. I regret my attitude regarding this, and a few other issues over the past week. My selfishness and neglect.

I pray that I will seek to build the friendships I have with my girl friends. You've blessed me with so many, although I only pursue the company of so few. I pray that I will be dilegent in building up other friendships, so that through their influence, I may grow and be encouraged in my faith.

Thank you for the time I spent with Hilary today. Being able to talk so freely with her, and to rant and rave, without it meaning anything to her or myself, is a blessing. I was able to let off steam, and then be able to listen to the constructive criticisim Nic had to offer, without getting defensive or angry about it. Thank you for her friendship, thank you so much for it. Thank you for her patience and love towards me.

Thank you for the advice Nic had to offer. To help me see things a bit differently, that I am not a part of a group, but merely someone, who ought to be showing love to everyone, instead of exclusively one group of people. Please help me to take this advice on board. I can see that I was doing this a little bit a week ago, but then I stopped because I'm selfish. I pray that I will make time for all my friends, including those I dont' know very well.

I pray that I will love everyone equally, without bias, but in the way you love everyone, Father.

Thank you that as I've prayed tonight so far, I have not felt pride over my prayers, but been aware that they are to you only, not to the people reading them. Thank you for your mercy. Thank youfor your grace and love extended towards me.

Please help me to be patient and loving towards my friends, instead of selectively loving those I like more.

Please help me to get my priorities straight. Not only putting you first, but everything secondary needs to be put straight. I feel that I discapline my emotions rather often, but I do not discapline my actions. I need to work on this Father, so that I may show everyone I love them, instead of only showing it to some.

Thank you for Lise's company on Sunday. Thank you for her encouraging words to me, telling me that I have improved in my behaviour.

I pray Father, that I will not allow these words to make me slack in my efforts, but encourage me to continue hard to be a discaplined, calm and loving servant. I hope that one day, Father, I will be much improved, to that point that I do not embarass anyone around me, and I will not inadvertantly hurt anyone, but be able to help build people up in knowledge and love of you.

Until then Lord, I need your words in my mouth, and your love in my heart. I need you Father, because I fall short so often. But right now, I am not sad about that, rather, hopeful that I will improve steadily, trusting in your grace and mercy.