December 28th, 2006

Inara and Mal


I feel silly, and a little sad. Just half an hour ago I was happy.


People think I hate them. I don't hate people. I just feel really uncomfortable around them because of various reasons. I'm becoming this person that I don't think fits with the stereotyped Christian mold, and I feel like people will judge me because of that, so i don't want to be myself because of fear, so I'm uncomfortable.

I don't think these people would even bother to read my eljay anyway.

I like who I am, and I don't want to change. Well... I know that as a Christian, I should always be changing in order to become more like Jesus... but sometimes, what can be seen as helpful, is harsh and damaging.

So, to Ali, Sarah Thorburn, Sarah Francis, Suz, Tiffany, Tess, Bethany, Maddie, Steph and anyone else in this broad group of people (pretty much everyone), I don't hate you. You are all very sweet, lovely people, and... I think too sweet for me. I'm not perfect, I'm far from close, and I'm afraid because we have almost nothing in common and yet there's this expectation that I'm meant to be good friends with all of you. I want to be good friends with all of you. But I'm not. And I don't know how to change this.

Not that any of you would read this anyway. I just thought it needed to be said.

And as a peace offering, I would like to invite you all to a baking day! Girls like to bake, I like to bake, let's get together and bake. We can make cookies, and cakes, and... all sorts of yummy things. Perhaps sometime in 2007, in early Jan. I think it would be nice. I want to say that I'm scared. I really am, but... maybe it'll be nice, and fun.
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