February 9th, 2007

Claire looking upwards

meh

sometimes a heavy gets laid upon you and you don't know how to take it. At the time, it's good, and in a way, it continues to be good and nothing really changes, but your head just goes over and over it.

And how come everything works except the thing that you just... need to work. Well, not need, but...

I'm being very cryptic aren't I. But usually, when there's something, -anything really on my mind, I talk it out. Last time I had a heavy, I had someone to talk to, now, there is absolutely no one to talk to about it. No one to give me advice and lay my mind to rest. And my head is heavy from turning it over and over. It's like a rock that I expect to see ants crawling underneath. And the first time I turned it over, there were ants. Now there are no ants. Just grass that's a little crushed from having a rock turned on to it.

This analogy meant something, but then I took it too far. But, my mind is turning things over in such a state, that everything is going too far.

Everyone lay off for a couple of days okay? My head is sinking. I need to talk, but I can't talk to anyone else about this heavy.

And there's a couple of other pebbles chucked in there too.

I don't think God expects us to be perfect, and I think we should stop pretending to be. It's only dragging people down and making them heavy. No, this heavy has nothing to do with the heavy at the beginning of the entry. I just like that word right now.

I feel heavy