September 26th, 2007

V sad

On Forgiveness

It's hard to let go of bitterness. When someone has done something wrong to me, it's hard to forgive. It's saying that I can live with the result of what you've done to me, and our relationship can be renewed. It hurts that they've done that, and it hurts to suck it up and live with it.

But the reality is, I've more than likely done something wrong towards them and need forgiveness just as much. And that's hard too. It would be too easy to just sit in my room and never have contact with anyone ever. It's tempting to not have friends. That way I can't insult them, and they can't insult me.

Furthermore, in Jesus, I've been forgiven for everything wrong I ever did. Jesus says that I ought to forgive others because I have been forgiven myself. And it's like I've been forgiven a million dollar debt and then going around holding bitterness towards those who owe me a couple of dollars. Forgiveness doesn't come easily or naturally to me. Even if I get to say "I forgive you," it'll probably take a while longer for all of me to be in a place where I have actually forgiven them.

At the moment, I'm holding a bit of bitterness towards most everybody. I don't like doing that. Recently I've been doing that a fair bit. It's like black tar that's wrapped around my heart. I want to forgive and be on right terms with everyone, but part of me kinda enjoys the bitterness and the feeling that everyone owes me something. Which I know is wrong and totally perverted.

A way that I've found that effectively gets rid of this bitterness is by thinking about what is wrong, and then crying about it. But that makes me feel weak, and the same black tar bit of myself doesn't want to cry about it. I keep calling myself a cry baby.
But it is therapeutic and I feel better afterwards, having let go of everything.

Why is forgiveness so hard to dish out?


From chanteur_dombre
Comment on this post. I will choose seven interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post your this along with your answers in your own journal so that others can play along.

Bananas: There was this ad on telly ages ago that features a "ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, make those bodies sing" song. I didn't used to like bananas, and then one day after listening to that ad, I decided I was really hungry for a banana. Now I like them. Go figure!

Full Metal Panic: It's an anime about mecha (robots). I think. I've never even seen it and can't for the life of me figure out how it came to be in amongst my interests. But I think I'll leave it there because I'm amused it is. LOL

Homestarrunner: Go to It's a very bizarre and funny cartoon I've been watching since yr 11. It's quite underground, but you can typically tell those who've watched it from those you can't because of the underground dragon figure Trogdor. Trogdor features on the very last episode of Buffy when Andrew is leading a D&D campaign and the PCs have to face Trogdor and Giles gets whipped. Strong Bad's Trogdor song is also featured on Guitar Hero 2.

Jaguar xkr: one of the results of going out with a boy who's into cars, is that he passes on his interest to you. Back in '04-'05, I started paying attention to cars and I really admired the jag xkr. Thought it was a pretty sweet model.

Metalocalypse: It a very amusing adultswim cartoon centered around Dethklok. Kinda takes up the whole metal genre and culture with lots of references to real metal bands. They are black than the blackest black times infinity... or something like that. Think, "Spinal Tap meets Scooby-Doo meets Norway."

Opeth: they are one of 2 whole metal bands I've seen live. Their music varies from prog-metal to melodic death metal. I rather enjoy them. Particularly drawing on more melodic stuff, means I like it more than plain death metal which is typically too harsh for my brain and ears

Unwritten Law: again, an offshoot from the boyfriend days of '04. His favourite band, not mine, but I could appreciate the music and enjoyed it.
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