February 17th, 2008

Buffy counselor

rant

I feel like I've spent the entire weekend cleaning, yet I come home from Sunday school this evening and the houe is a mess! I know how this happened. Yesterday I was working on my dress and needed to sew some things and iron it, so I brought those out, and I was watching Buffy at the time as well, so it's all in the lounge room. I didn't get time to pack it all away as I had to then rush to Jake's. This morning I had to make a pie for a Three Crosses lunch after church, before church. While it was in the oven, I was getting ready for church (shower etc), then I rushed off as soon as it was out, Without giving me time to clean up afterwards.

Uni's starting tomorrow and I just want to start the year off with a clean, organised house and I feel like it isn't and I'm stressing out needlessly because of it. I don't know where to start, and I don't really want to start. I ought to be thankful that Heather isn't here so that I don't get angry at her for not cleaning up after my mess. I know that she's done nothing wrong, I'm just stressed and angry and I'd take it out on her if she were here; she'd be my scape goat. So I'm thankful that she's not here so I don't get mad at her for stupid, selfish reasons.

It's not too big a task. Tidy my stuff in the lounge room (which is *just* tidying things away) and washing the dishes, tidying the kitchen table, putting the already clean dishes away and putting the newly clean dishes away.

I shouldn't be stressing about this and I don't usually! Typically it's Dad going narky at the cleanliness of the house and my living in a pig sty. This is odd that I'm becoming a clean freak! I'm NOT a clean freak, why am I freaking out like this, it's making no sense.

And I'm scared of uni tomorrow. I'm scared of Japanese, that I'm not going to remember anything and totally fail. I want to do well this year and I'm scared that I won't. *sigh* *curls up into a ball*

Make it go away!!
Tully

(no subject)

right now I just feel so, ansty... OCD... fidgety... GAH! I'm cleaning right, but it's not making any difference to how I feel and I just want to cry. It's not good enough, there are things that I have no space for, peices of paper floating around that have no home and it's making me nuts. The more I clean, the more that little, unimportant things are bugging me. This is crazy, I'm going crazy!

*cries*
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