It's just a day, yet it's so jolly expensive!! Even the engagement party is expensive! I'm totally prepared to go budget and have people enjoy themselves around the casual, relaxed atmosphere of a BBQ with home made salads. But that is apparently too much to ask for. *sigh*
I asked James if he could simply wake me up on January 16th 2011, and he promised he would. My meaning was that I wanted to sleep through this whole process. But I liked his meaning too.
Throughout this, the tension between the now-but-not-yet is clearer to me than it has been before. Because here is a parallel that I'm living through. We are committed to each other, we both desire marriage. But we cannot have that yet. In heart and mind, we're there. But physically, we've got strict boundaries.
In Jesus, we are citizens of the New Kingdom. We have new hearts and love God. But we still live in this world, separate from Him. We long for the renewal of everything, for justice, rest and peace. We have the Spirit as a deposit, just as I have James' ring on my finger as a token of his fidelity. But I do not have Heaven yet. I do not have James as my husband yet. And it's frustrating! Both are frustrating.
There are children dying of starvation, or being forced into wars. There are women being sold into sexual slavery. There are babies who never see the light of day because their mother's perceive them to be parasitic burdens. And our parents want to spend how much on a day!!
I appreciate their generosity and willingness to make it special. I REALLY REALLY DO! I love my parents a LOT and I want to respect and honour them. And it will be nice to have a nice day, with nice food and a nice atmosphere. But there's a tension in my head too, this desire for things to be nice, and things to not be wasted on "just a day".