April 17th, 2011

buffy sad

Onslaught of envy

I think a great failing of mine is to want to look different. Instead of being happy with my hair, I wish it looked longer, blonder, darker, redder, shorter, straighter, curlier. Instead of being happy with my clothes, I wish they were trendier, classier, more vintage, cuter, comfier.

The truth is that these things don't matter. These things will pass away, My hair isn't long and blonde like Taylor Momsen's. It's not indie and cute like Zooey Deschanel's. It's just mine. And God gave this hair to me. He decided that it would be light brown, thick and how many are currently on my head.

My clothes will pass away even sooner as they wear out, get holes or fade. As I decide I don't like them anymore. But it's ok that I don't wear lots of dresses or skirts, that I don't look like a catalogue when I step outside. It's ok that I'm most comfortable in jeans and a nice t-shirt. It's ok that I look like me. God made me look the way I do and he gave me the comfy-chilled style I have. And that's ok.

I really want to be content with how I look. Not looking at magazines helps. Not having a full length mirror in the house helps. Having a husband to tell me I'm beautiful helps. Having a God who has fearfully and wonderfully made me calms my spirit to work on being content. My looks will fade away. But a gentle and quiet spirit will remain. God will help me to rest in him, to be gentle and quiet in my own flesh's onslaught of envy.