September 18th, 2011

shinobi love

Relationships are hard. But I love James very much

Following on from the emotions left from Friday, Saturday wasn't a great day either. James and I had a fight and I was left feeling like he didn't want to spend much time with me and quite embarrassed over having made of fool of myself in the name of one-sided silliness and giggles. Today was much the same, but with the added bonus of FUBAR*. So today was just blah. James had a lot of prep to do for his teaching prac this coming week, which I was well aware of. However, I thought he finished it yesterday and was rather disappointed that he hadn't. I had hoped that he had thought about spending a couple of hours of the weekend with me. He hadn't thought of that. He had thought about incidental time with me, but not deliberate time. Which made me sad.

Anyway, we had about an hour on the couch today with me being sad, him trying to make it better but me just feeling sad. I was thinking, 'why can't he just say [this]? Why doesn't he just do [that]?' Sometimes when I ask him to do something or say something, it loses a lot of it's effect because it doesn't feel genuine. But after thinking that for a long time, it occurred to me that maybe he was trying to show love, but in a way I wasn't used to receiving it. Maybe his arm around me was showing me he loved me, even though he wasn't hugging me. So then we talked about love languages a bit.

I read something a while ago about love languages and that had me thinking that maybe, instead of telling James he must express love in the way I want, maybe I could grow to appreciate the way he is currently showing me love. I hope that he will continue to endeavour showing me love in a way I easily receive it. But maybe I can learn to receive love in a way he naturally shows it as a way of loving him (though it's subtle). So that's my take away learning point from today's argument.

Tonight was good. James took me out for dinner and then we started watching The West Wing together. I've already seen it, but this is James' first time. Top quality television! We snuggled on the couch and it was just really nice.

I love James very much. Even when we were fighting.

*I do not condone swearing. There was quite an upsetting situation at church that involves me accidentally offending someone and I don't quite know what I've done. I'm talking about it tomorrow with the offended party and I'm a bit scared because I just don't know what to expect.