September 1st, 2013

Anya loving

23 Weeks and some thoughts going on

23 weeks and I wanted to pot about a variety of things.

First up, Pregnancy
My back pain is still no good, but I'm managing it better. I went to the doctor and got some panadeine for when it's really bad. But I'm finding that the natural movement at school is enough to keep it from getting bad. Sitting is the worst for the pain. Also, I was in a bad mood late last week and went to the gym to physically vent. And my back was all the better for it the next day! Whoo hoo!!
Other people have noticed how I've "popped" out recently. I still feel a bit like a whale, but it's nice to have a baby belly, to feel Sprout wiggle around and to be seen as pregnant instead of just fat (how I feel). James felt Sprout kick yesterday and it was very special! :D I am soooooo pleased that he felt it clearly. Clearly enough for him to go "wow!" instead of "ummmm, I think so??" So yay!!

I'm doing this thing where I try not to talk about school outside of school. Once I'm home, that's it! Home! I got dragged into a few conversations about it this weekend and I honestly just find it a bit depressing. There are so many issues I can't fix that talking about it just goes in circles of problems and attempts and brick walls. If I'm going to talk about it more, I want to talk to Indigenous people and get their perspective clearer; that would be most useful and edifying. But talking to other white people is frustrating.
My not-talking-about-it method is so far quite successful. My stress and anxiety levels have gone right done as a result. I feel much more refreshed over the weekend and have a better attitude during the work day at school. Win win! There was an incident on Thursday that made me angry and in my anger I went to the gym to vent. I felt SOOO much better about it after 15mins of going as hard as I could on the elliptical and praying while working out. Endorphins and perspective realignment were just what I needed. So on Friday I went to the pool to do some laps and that nipped my irritability in the bud. It's really working out in terms of dealing with school-negativity and health. I'm going to make every effort to go to the gym and pool most days.

Self Reflection
I used to be gregarious, outgoing, loud, obnoxious, etc. But not so much any more. And I think you can even tell by how infrequently I update my LJ. Even last year I was so concerned about having friends and it made me sad that I didn't. I certainly have friends up here in HC, but I'm no longer bothered by how I'm not super close with anyone in particular. I don't really care if people like me or not. Well, a little, but not as much. I'm much quieter these days. I rather enjoy spending my weekends making bread, snuggling with James and watching Dr Who.
Speaking of, we watched the episode called "Family of Blood" today and I think it's one of my favourites. Background: The Doctor has become human to escape some villians, has forgotten his true self, taken on a new identity completely and has fallen in love with a woman. Then he finds out he needs to sacrifice his human self t become the doctor again. Skip to 5:10 to get the best scene. After seeing what his future as a human could be, Joan says to him, "the Time Lord has such adventures, but he could never have a life like that". And it's so sad and it makes me want to cry for him. But at the same time, I'm so thankful. I had adventures when I was younger and have great stories. But now my life has "slowed down". It's quiet and hard working and full and full of love. I am so thankful to God for my life. Every day I feel thankful for God blessing it so much! And the best is still yet to come in the New Creation!!