Well, I had a nice long sleep on Friday night, followed by a day of almost NOTHING on Saturday and was feeling SO much better by the afternoon. Now my sigh is a happy sigh. The situation hasn't changed much at all, but now that mission is over, prac is over, and I've had time to not-do-anything + not be stressed by anything, everything is much better.
God is SOOO GOOD! I feel like: not only do I get eternal life in boundless love, not only am I redeemed from my stupid sinful ways, not only will (even Christian) relationships that are fractured be repaired come New Creation, not only all those good things to look forward to... but I ALSO get to spend however much time God gives me with a wonderful husband in James! YAY!
I was looking through a few facebook albums different friends have put up of their respective newborns and it makes me SO HAPPY to see what blessings they've been given. This new little life that is so dependant on them, who will grow up and have a character and personality and quirks - and my friends helped to make that!! James and I aren't planning to have children till a few years into our marriage, but I'm looking forward to it!
In fact, I'm looking forward to pretty much all aspects of our future together: being a DINKY couple, saving a whole income for a few years to buy a house with. Having our own house and starting to fill it with children. Being a welcoming house for their and our friends. All the things we talk about doing together are so exciting. Making plans with my own life with exciting too - don't get me wrong! But making plans with James, sharing a future with him, serving God and growing together with him is not only exciting, but so very happy! Even making wedding plans (particularly given it's over 9 months away, so not very stressful) is exciting. It's been super nice ot find out how we work together. When I was depressed, it was nice to talk about how we deal with our not-happy emotions and learn about each other.
God is SOOO GOOD to have made us for relationships. God is SO GOOD in that not only has he blessed me with one, but he blesses non Christians with the same. God is SO GOOD that not only has he blessed me with one, but he's given me eternal life and forgiveness too! He's saved me from myself, created a new heart in me, given me the Spirit so that I am not alone in trying to please Him. God does SO MUCH for me! He is SOOOO GOOD! :D
This song is so good for hard times, to encourage me when I'm depressed, to keep my eyes fixed on him who is Just, Righteous, hears me in my distress and has delivered me. But it's also good as a rejoicing song when things are well.
My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who bore my pain
Who plumbed the depths of my disgrace and gave me life again
Who crushed my curse of sinfulness and clothed me in his light
And wrote his law of righteousness with power upon my heart.
My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who walks beside
Who floods my weaknesses and strengths and causes fear to fly
Whose every promise is enough for every step I take
Sustaining me with arms of love and crowning me with grace.
My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who reigns above
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace, whose every thought is love
For every day I have on earth is given by the King
So I will give my life, my all, to love and follow him.
so don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows - Matt 10:31