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And Then There Was Silence

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Bernard's night out

Wedding Planning Postulations

I haven't really been doing much posting about wedding planning. I like planning for it. But I'm doing it mostly rather privately. James and I will discuss an aspect of it, I might chat to Dad about it because he's paying for it, we might let James' side into the plans... But really, weddings can be this whole THING, and I don't really want to talk about it.

Already, with our little plans formed already, people have these opinions about what we should be doing, or what they'd do. And that's all great, but it's not what we're doing. It also feels so selfish to talk about it. I'm fearful that talking about it might make a single friend of mine a little sad afterwards because they're not getting married and they might want that. I don't want to cause my friends to be sad.

But it also feel selfish because it's all about ME and MY wedding and MY plans and MY colour scheme and MY menu, etc etc. I don't really like talking about it with other people planning weddings because it's not really a discussion. It's a polite listen then speak. I'm not engaging with their ideas. I'm waiting for them to stop talking about their flowers so I can tell them about MY flowers. See? Selfish!! I have no idea what to say to Anna about her upcoming wedding because it'll feel like I'm comparing. I don't want to compare. I just want to be happy with whatever she does.

I'm doing the invitations for her kitchen tea, which I'm very happy to be helping out with!! I'm enjoying being involved and supporting her when I can. But I really hope she doesn't ask me for my opinion because I'm going to compare it with what I'm doing. And I don't want to to that. So I'm at a loss. I just want to be creative and supportive in an arena that doesn't involve me comparing our weddings because they're NOT competitions!! I just want to be happy with her choices. Which I am. But neither am I talking about wedding plans with her, because we're rather different in what we'd do and I don't want my different choices to undermine hers, even accidently.

So the cake is organised, the dress is ordered, the bridesmaids dresses are sorted (in that they're getting their own knee length green dress that don't necessarily match the others'), the venues are sorted, the flowers are sorted, photographer is sorted, MC is sorted, officiant is sorted. I'm getting quotes on catering and thinking about decorations. Shoes need finding and buying, hair needs organising, other stuff needs doing too... but what else is there to say? I don't particularly want to give away too many details because there's no point. Why on earth would you want to know? Just rock up on the day and enjoy it and go "ooooooooooh!" when I walk down the aisle (and make nice comments later on so I don't regret my choice of dress. Because I can't do anything about it then!!)

In other news, I contacted the black-sheep Uncle today and asked if he'd like to come to our wedding. He said that he would. I'm glad that he'll come. But I'm a little nervous he'll be offended by our overt Christian-ness and say something that will put a dampener on the day. So I had a chat about my concerns with Dad and he said he'd chat with Grandpa about it. So I'm happy about that.

Weddings are so political and everyone has these expectations about them. "Don't have your reception then or your hair like that". People offer helpful advice that isn't actually welcome because it makes me doubt my own decisions. Unless they're James or family members, I don't really want to hear it. So why would I tell you about these things, because I don't even want your input! And if I don't want your opinion, me telling you is just an opportunity for me to faff on about how great my wedding is and blah blah blah. *sigh*

But things are coming along nicely.

My flowers are happy flowers.


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Well... I am already married and not planning a wedding, nor coming to yours, so when you GET comfortable, I'd love to hear what you are planning (colors, dresses, food, etc).

I concur!!

And about this sentence: "I'm fearful that talking about it might make a single friend of mine a little sad afterwards because they're not getting married and they might want that. I don't want to cause my friends to be sad."

This is true, and I thankyou for thinking about it, but honestly, it does not make me as sad as not getting many updates from you in general, NOR not being able to share in your own joy at the wedding (and marriage!) that you will be creating... . Although I kind of expected you'd go quiet about it, that's just who you are :)

thanks Ladies! That's very encouraging. Maybe I'll post more about it. But I'll definitely put it behind lj cuts and friends locks :)

'happy flowers' are always a good choice. And they'll be in season then too ;)

Well, I doubt you're getting married in the nude and having the reception at a pagan temple... seriously, people... you have to do something really crazy to do something "wrong".

I know, I'm one of the first to give advice and correct and whatnot, but this is your WEDDING, and I don't think you're selfish at all to want it YOUR way.

I mean, yeah, if your mom and dad were paying for the entire thing, then listening to their suggestions is obviously a good idea, but other than that, people should leave you alone...

Hi Kat,

I think if you analyse it, you will find that the majority of human conversation is selfish. There's not much of a way around it.

I just assumed that you were busy and that's why you haven't updated. Personally I would be interested in you gushing about whatever you have been doing lately- it's not that I care about the specifics about the colour of your tableclothes etc but it's a way of communicating your excitement to friends and including them in your life.

I think most of your single (and non single) friends would be happy and excited vicariously through you and would be happy to share in your joy. Plus never underestimate the power of networking- someone might have a great suggestion about how to do something.

I think there is a danger in over analysing things and trying to make everything make sense. It's cool that you don't waffle on about nothing but at the same time it's good to avoid the other extreme too.

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