Kat (etimodnar) wrote,

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How do I love my family?

What up all!? :) Lots of things have been going on. I haven't been working so much in the past 2 weeks. Apparently the need for relief teachers drops nearing the end of the term. Which sucks for me. Given I've handed out my resume to pretty much EVERYONE, there's really not much I can do except get a job as a not-teacher. Which I'm not keen on doing as teaching would remain a priority to the detriment of not-teaching.

We went to the in-laws for dinner last night to celebrate Ben and James' birthday (the 15th and 16th). I found it awkward. I don't really like hanging out with that lot. I know they don't like me all that much. James was sad I couldn't be myself, but I don't know how to be myself. I don't know what to say or how to contribute to conversation because I know they're not going to be interested in what I'd say. So last night I was very quiet. Before we got there, I was anxious and I was anxious while there. It's just sucky, really.

Ben's having a 21st next weekend and I've managed to invite a friend. I can't not go because it's family and James wants me to go. But I was so keen to not go that I'm bringing a friend with me. So I don't have to talk to anyone else and go through the while "Hi [so-and-so], how are you? Oh you have to go talk to [not-me], well bye then". Which is standard routine. Last party I was ignored, blatantly, several times.

So the bottom line with that crowd is that I've stopped trying. I'm keen to be friends with them, but until they show interest in being friends with me, I'm not trying anymore. It's too painful to try and try. And quite frankly, I've got a lot of friends anyway! I'm not desperate for friends, I've already got them! I don't know how to love these people!

In other news, I'm organising my friend's baby shower, which is so cool! I'm a bridesmaid for a friend in 3 week's time and her kitchen tea is next weekend, which should also be so cool! It's going to be a high tea. A fellow bridesmaid and I went shopping for cups, saucers and side plates at some op-shops. Neither of us were confident about finding anything, but another friend had recommend doing it that way, so away we went and it was surprisingly very successful! Yay!

I saw Wicked last weekend and it was TOTS AWES!! I would go again if I could. But I can't because I went in the last week. Boo.

I bought a Kimbra album and I'm loving it. Check out some of her songs Here for her song, Settle Down and her song, Good Intent.
Tags: family, friends, music, weddings
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