Kat (etimodnar) wrote,

Being Sick; Perceptions and Reality

So, my being sick of being sick and going to school anyway hasn't quite worked out the way I'd hoped. I was hoping that I could get by feeling only 4-7/10 in health and energy, which I did on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was were it feel down though. I've been sleeping really badly! Most nights I wake up, role over and go back t sleep, all under a minute. These nights I'm waking up, rolling over and staying awake because "oh the pain! My head! My nose! I can't breathe! My throat is dry! My mouth is dry and hurts!" So that sucks.

On Wednesday I had some NAPLAN supervision (which is super easy and quite nice for sick-me) and then I took a colleague's recess duty which is where things started going wrong. My head was hurting, my eyes were hurting, my throat was hurting from yelling at kids, "stop running! Walk! Don't bounce that ball here, go there!" etc. My cycle started that morning, so I was concerned about that and crampy AND it also meant I'm not pregnant, which made me sad. So after recess I had DOTT, I had a little lay down on one of the couches in the staffroom. Two staff members were a bit concerned. One came up to talk to me and the other went to speak to one of the deputies.

The second staff member came back and said the deputy said to go home. I was all "you liar, lol! I'm fine, I just need to rest". But then the deputy came in and had a chat with me about how I need to go home and rest up until I'm healthy again because I'll burn out at this rate. So then he drove me to the hospital, I got a medical certificate and walked myself home. And here I am the next day, still pretty sick.

My head is so sore! It's not just a headache, but my sinuses (of all things) are sore. I'm still sleeping quite badly. I feel badly about being sent home from work. I also feel bad about staying home when everyone else is working hard. I guess I feel that I have a lot to prove: I am a hard worker! I care about teaching these kids too! I care about reports and home visits and reading abilities and all this other stuff that I can do and act and feel when I'm at work. I guess on top of all this sickness, I also feel bad because I perceive that I'm letting people down. Being sent hoe by the deputy was a bit of a godsend because it took some of the pressure off me. Like, I hating making a judgement call about being too sick to work. I can always justify working even when I feel so bad (which I did Mon-Wed this week). Having a deputy make that call for me means it's ok that I went home. And I suppose I'll stay home until all this clears up.

I'm sick of being sick :(
Tags: illness, teaching
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