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etimodnar

Loopy froots live here

And Then There Was Silence


flowers small
etimodnar

Things I am Thankful for Today.

Things I am thankful for today:
Getting science reports done for TWO classes.
Getting better at doing the reports and faster.
That Bible study tonight is on Phil 3:1-11. Great passage!
That God has held back my sick-ness so that I can work hard.
That despite how well or bad my day has gone, God remains.
That a couple of teachers have said nice things about my teaching practice.
For rest.
For the new toilet in our house. It got put in today while we were at school. It looks like it'll flush nicely (the old one didn't).

I am looking forward to Rest.

Dr Who hug
etimodnar

Things That Have Made Me Thankful Today

Today I am thankful for this song. In the midst of feeling sad and confused about faith, it has been a big encouragement.
I am thankful that James can play it on his guitar and we can sing it together.
I am thankful for the rest I've gotten today despite feeling really bad. James has been keen to see me rest and I'm thankful for his support.
I'm thankful that I've been encouraged today despite missing out on church.
I'm thankful for the kitten we've been taking care of. She's so cute.
I'm thankful for what God has done for me through Jesus.
I'm thankful that that's objective. No matter how I feel. I can trust that.

Buffy comfort, Xander comfort
etimodnar

Things That Have Made Me Sad This Week and Thankfulness.

I am sad. The start of term started off well. But now I am sad.

Thing #1 that's made me sad this week: Teaching.
I've been sick and had lots of time off because of it. One of the deputies spoke to me on Thursday to suggest ways to be a team player and help out those teachers who had to work harder in my absence. That's all good and fine, except that when they're sick, I'll assume I'll pick up their slack then. I already have picked up slack from other teachers, just not *those* particular teachers who picked up my slack. So that feels stressful on top of everything else I'm trying to juggle. My job isn't the busiest, hardest, most difficult. But it's hard for me. And I'm trying really hard to be good at it and on the ball.

Reports are due next week and I have to write a comment for every student I take for science. I wasn't sure whether I was meant to be writing a comment or not (or just assigning a grade). The teachers weren't sure. One of the deupties wasn't sure. I asked another deputy and they didn't know either. The kicker though was when they told me HOW to ask someone else. I should ask like a team player and not like I'm trying to get out of writing comments. I was a bit taken aback by that. I thought I was asking in a casually professional manner, leaving it open either way. So I apologised for coming across as unprofessional and they responded saying that I HADN'T but I should still make sure I don't. Anyway, this advice just leaves me confused. Why give me this advice if I'm already doing it properly?

So work is making me sad and stressed. I'm trying really hard to do this well, but all the feedback I've gotten from the leadership is that I'm not doing it well enough. Which makes me more stressed. On top of reports. And everything else I'm still trying to get a hang of.

Thing #2 that's made me sad this week: Bible study.
Recently in Bible study, things have come up that are a difference between myself and the other Christians. These discussion have made me sad. I'm trying to see what I can learn from them and how my life might be lacking. But when I did that, I started questioning the foundation on my faith. Do I really have a spiritual journey that I'm on? Am I actually seeking a relationship with God?

The fact of the matter is that I AM! I just don't use that kind of language. I really don't care for phrasing things that way. But talking that way all the time, feeling like no one is on my wavelength, not being understood is alienating. I really don't want to continue actually. But I know that's a dud idea too.

Other things:
- There was a Sunday School meeting today that no one turned up for.
+ I made a lemon tea cake for the meeting and it's yummy.
+ Being in our house is nice. We've gotten jobs done and I'm feeling better and better about each day. I was grumpy about the mess, but now I am happy for the organisation taking place.
- Being sad about Bible study has made me thankful for what I know/have. I'm relying on God more than the fellowship there. Which is a double edged sword.
- Today I woke up sick. AGAIN. I think it's because of all this stress.
+ We are taking care of a kitten and she's SO cute
+ Attius will be with us again soon. Possibly in 10ih days.
+ We have a routine at home these days, and that's very nice

I'm thinking of doing a short post every day on the topic of "something that makes me thankful today". So today I'm thankful for:
Cake. Tidy house. Kittens. James. Routine.
Jesus bearing my sin. Hope in the Gospel. Belonging to Him.

firefly betrayal
etimodnar

Being Sick; Perceptions and Reality

So, my being sick of being sick and going to school anyway hasn't quite worked out the way I'd hoped. I was hoping that I could get by feeling only 4-7/10 in health and energy, which I did on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was were it feel down though. I've been sleeping really badly! Most nights I wake up, role over and go back t sleep, all under a minute. These nights I'm waking up, rolling over and staying awake because "oh the pain! My head! My nose! I can't breathe! My throat is dry! My mouth is dry and hurts!" So that sucks.

On Wednesday I had some NAPLAN supervision (which is super easy and quite nice for sick-me) and then I took a colleague's recess duty which is where things started going wrong. My head was hurting, my eyes were hurting, my throat was hurting from yelling at kids, "stop running! Walk! Don't bounce that ball here, go there!" etc. My cycle started that morning, so I was concerned about that and crampy AND it also meant I'm not pregnant, which made me sad. So after recess I had DOTT, I had a little lay down on one of the couches in the staffroom. Two staff members were a bit concerned. One came up to talk to me and the other went to speak to one of the deputies.

The second staff member came back and said the deputy said to go home. I was all "you liar, lol! I'm fine, I just need to rest". But then the deputy came in and had a chat with me about how I need to go home and rest up until I'm healthy again because I'll burn out at this rate. So then he drove me to the hospital, I got a medical certificate and walked myself home. And here I am the next day, still pretty sick.

My head is so sore! It's not just a headache, but my sinuses (of all things) are sore. I'm still sleeping quite badly. I feel badly about being sent home from work. I also feel bad about staying home when everyone else is working hard. I guess I feel that I have a lot to prove: I am a hard worker! I care about teaching these kids too! I care about reports and home visits and reading abilities and all this other stuff that I can do and act and feel when I'm at work. I guess on top of all this sickness, I also feel bad because I perceive that I'm letting people down. Being sent hoe by the deputy was a bit of a godsend because it took some of the pressure off me. Like, I hating making a judgement call about being too sick to work. I can always justify working even when I feel so bad (which I did Mon-Wed this week). Having a deputy make that call for me means it's ok that I went home. And I suppose I'll stay home until all this clears up.

I'm sick of being sick :(

Dexter smile
etimodnar

Post Holiday Update

Hello all!

So! The school holidays were great. I loved seeing all my friends, but am sad that now I'm gone again. It was actually rather exhausting, but completely worth it. Next time we'll be in Perth will be for the school holidays and we'll have more time for seeing people.

Our last few days in Perth consisted of (1) me breaking the laptop as the fan needed cleaning (boy did it need cleaning!). I did everything quite well, but the screen decided it didn't want to work anymore (which is apparently a common problem). (2) The wedding of two of our friends in Abany, which I'm very glad we made it to! (3) Spending time with 3 fantastic friends of ours as we all stayed at a house of one of their parents. (4) Catching up with more friends over the wedding weekend and (5) rushing back to Halls Creek that Sunday. We caught a flight out of Albany to Perth, then a flight from Perth to Broome, then had to pick up our car from the service centre we'd left it at, fill it up with petrol, buy a jerry can and fill that up and try to get to the next road house before it closed so we could fill up and make it home. Unfortunately the road house closed (half an hour early too!), but our jerry can brought us in with petrol to spare!

Since returning to Halls Creek, things have been pretty ok. We're still in the hotel, and who knows when we'll be moving in to a house. Things have been better with friends. Term breaks makes it easy to see how things have improved. For example, last term we didn't know anyone and were starting from scratch! This term we know people and had already started making friends. Already improvement! Yay!

I'm settling into my new role as science teacher. I settle for mediocre when it comes to my teaching practice, which isn't great, but it gets the job done. Recently my team leader came in to support me in a class which made me super aware of what I was doing, which meant I had my A-game on. And it really showed! I think I ought to be doing that regularly when teaching, behaviour issues magically clear up.

I've been quite sick for over a week. Two Fridays ago I was very tired and went home. I continued being tired all week until the following Friday when I developed the flu. I have the flu :(. I went back to work today because I'm sick of being sick damnit! It wasn't too bad, but now I've got a headache and am quite tired. Oh well.

Today our new computer arrived. IT's an Asus Ultrabook and is very flash! I managed to convince James to do a bit of research into computers and he decided on this one. It's refurbished, so we got it cheaply, but all up very nice. And I'm on now typing this up. Yay!

So that's all my news, methinks :)

Dr Who tea
etimodnar

Holidays and Housing Hypothesising

It's LJ time!!!

So, we're currently in Perth on school holidays and it's LOVELY! It's lovely seeing all my friends again and talking to them and just feeling like I can emotionally relate to people once more! It's been pretty hard up in the Creek. Making new friends in hard. Wah! It's definitely getting better and easier and all that, but it takes time and I'd been getting a bit weary emotionally and spiritually because of it.

We've been doing lots of shopping! YAY! I bought pants and cosmetics and a fancy clock for our friends' wedding this coming weekend - which I'd looked EVERYWHERE for that kind of clock and couldn't find one that was (1)nice looking, (2)less than $400 (not that that was our budget, but all the ones I found were that price!!) and (3)shipped to Australia/was already in Australia. But today, success!! Mind you, it is "damaged" (it has no glass to guard its face), but that meant it came in under our budget and it still looks perfectly good! I was SO excited when I saw it in store at the price it was at. SO. EXCITED. So, Kieran and Anna, if you're reading this, your clock is very close to perfect, but you can't return it if you hate it ;)

I've been catching up with so many friends, which has been great, but also wearying to see so many people in such a short space of time. Yesterday after church I kinda crashed. I was so tired all mid-arvo that I ended up having a nap late arvo and sleeping through another friend-catch up :(. Which I'm quite sad by. But I desperately needed to sleep/space out.

We are staying with James' family, which is going rather well. No ill feelings between me and the in laws, So yay for that! There's a display village down the road from their house, so today we had a wander through the homes. They were all very nice and impressive, as display homes should be. One was completely ridiculous! Super big, few bedrooms, loads of miscellaneous rooms, wasting precious space. But most were quite nice. It's very unlikely that we'll ever buy a house though.

The easy way to live this life would follow this plan: Both James and I would work very hard at our jobs in the Creek. We wouldn't have children, but just work hard for several years. It'd probably take 5-6 years of both of us working in order to buy/build a house outright with no mortgage. Then we'd start having children, James would work so we'd have basics like food and could pay bills and life would go fairly well for us financially. But that's not our plan. Our plan is to start trying for a family now, so we're only living/saving 1 income. James'd work for fewer years, then go to Theological college and we'd subsist on our savings. Then we'll go into missionary/ministry work.

I find it a struggle sometimes because it would be EASY to go with the first plan. It's comfortable and secure. It's easy to say we'll work a lot first and then have a cushy future. It's harder to go with the more difficult kids-now-no-house option. It's way more uncertain. But the fact of the matter is that our priorities lie in that direction. Mission work is more important than owning and having the stability of a house. Children are more important than any amount of money we could save, or luxury we could enjoy by me working. It's hard to consider that future we're deciding on and part of me is annoyed for it. But I trust that it's worth it.

Maybe God will drop a few hundred thousand dollars in our laps and we could afford a nice house. But we won't hold our breath :)

I bought some new tea from T2 today and James has said he might like to start appreciating tea. This makes me happy and I think we need ANOTHER trip to T2 to buy him some more tea and maybe even a special teacup just for him! James doesn't agree. Lol

Buffy hair up
etimodnar

Good Feelings

Good Feelings
So this week started off great! I am finally happy to be living in Halls Creek. I feel settled with the people I'm working with; with the work I'm doing with the kids; with Bible study and church. Just settled. I could see myself living here for our projected maximum length of time, 4 years. While everyone else was suffering for Monday-itis last week, I was happily happy. Lalala, I'm working and happy to be here. Yay!

I've got a sweet routine down at school now, I feel organised and have direction! One of my kids has been making leaps and bounds in her progress, and that has encouraged me with everyone else too! Surely if she can learn to read good, everyone else can learn to read good and do maths good too! Enthused!!

I've been feeling good about the friendships I'm forming too. I'm not as KEEN BEAN as I was at the beginning because I feel that I know these people now, and they know me. We might not have DEEP and MEANINGFUL friendships, but that's ok. We're on the way over time and I feel we've made a good start.

We're going to Perth for the school holidays in 2 weeks. I'm very excited to be seeing family and friends! YAY!!!!

Bad Feelings
There's an emotional issue I'm grappling with that'll be be friends locked because it's quite personal. But it coincides with our trip to Perth over the holidays. So while I'm eagerly excited for that, I'm also sad for this other thing.

I've just been down about that thing in the past couple of days. :(

Other Things
I've discovered that regular exercise is good for my knees. James and I have been sick over the past couple of weeks, so we haven't made it to the gym. TOTALLY COINCIDENTLY *cough*, my knees have been hurting more than usual. So we went back to the gym yesterday and are hoping to get more gym time in this weekend. Yay not-hurting knees!

kitty upside down
etimodnar

First sick day in Halls Creek

Usually when I'm sick on a work day, I'll just call in sick and that's that. Having rested all morning, I'll feel pretty good by afternoon and start wondering why I called in sick! I should have just pushed through the work morning and gotten paid. Why did I call I bother calling in sick? Some sick person I am, feeling pretty good! Pft!

 

So this weekend I was sick. It was a long weekend too, so I had extra recovery time. This morning I'm feeling less than average, but I figure that I'll be fine by the afternoon, so I'll just push through. BLAH!!! I'm feeling light headed, faint, my hands are shaking. I'm not nauseated or headachy. But something's definitely up. So at recess I decide I'll go home when my DOTT (duties other than teaching) starts, just before lunch. I have a meeting just before that and though it went well, my hands were still shaking and I felt really ... REALLY! the whole time. It's like, I was more ... more. You wouldn't figure I was sick by my general attitude of exuberance. But I'm also trying to fight off this fainting-feeling too. I'm not are I can easily explain it :/

 

So anyway, I'm home now. I think I'll call in sick tomorrow and not try to push through the morning. I felt like falling down as I was trying to find James so he could give me the car keys. When I did eventually sit down to wait for him to finish class, my breathing was quite shallow and fast. More shaking and faint-feeling. But yay for resting at home. Maybe if I'm good, James will buy me more timtams! ;)

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.


bird on twig
etimodnar

Halls Creek ups and downs

So, we're now half way through term. That went by SO fast! I'm still feeling like I'm making this up as I go along. Every so often, a teacher will over me some advice on what to be doing differently and I jump on board with that. But I get the distinct impression (have been told directly) that I ought to be forward planning to target all the students I'm working with. But I have NO idea how that's going to work out. I'll try to have a quality sit down with my team leader to grill her on all of that. Hopefully I can then be meeting the expectations of my job and doing it well. I really want to so this well!

I've started leading Sunday School. Last week'we had 5 kids. This week we had 17. OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!!! And I had a cold. I'm pretty sure that God gave me strength to pull through and that he worked in the kids so they'd cooperate. I've no idea how it managed to pull together, but it did, and was amazing. I was told this morning that sometimes we get 50 kids coming along. I don't know how that's going to work. On one hand, it's a huge blessing to teach all those kids about Jesus. On the other hand, this church doesn't really DO rosters. Or much forward planning. I think I might need to have a chat to some people about getting regular helpers who aren't white-teachers and getting them on a roster, trained and able to teach a small group of kids. What a huge task! Please pray that God will sustain and strengthen me to do this.

I've been feeling much much better about the friends issue. While I was feeling all horrible and bad at the start of last week, a few people noticed and cared. We had a couple over for dinner last week and I really enjoyed getting to know them. I'm really thankful for how things have been going in that department. God is so good to provide us with friends.

And some of our friends have recently moved out of their apartment and into their house! I am very happy for them as they were having a terrible time in the hotel. You can read more about it here This makes me look forward to eventually moving in to our own house one day. I am thankful that their good news hasn't made me sad for me, as I was expecting. Maybe that'll come soon, but I hope not.

I think that's all our big news. Please pray for Sunday School, my health and give thanks for us making good friends! Thank you

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.


Buffy beer
etimodnar

(no subject)


I am so so sad. and I cannot even tell you why.

 

I got drunk yesterday, hoping it would make me happy. but it only did for a little bit.

 

no one's dead. not sad because of anything like that.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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